I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
