Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
