I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
