ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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