i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
