Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
