he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
