hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize