I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How's work?
Spinning.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
