dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
