sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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