Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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