Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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