Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
