smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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