Ambien. No doubt about it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
