i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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