Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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