I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it was like eating out sand paper
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
