if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
