My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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