All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
