i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
