Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
