ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
