oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
