We named our party play list daddy issues
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
