I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I intend to get homeless drunk
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize