Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
