y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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