I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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