Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
