Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
