ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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