the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
