I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
