I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
