well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
