I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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