Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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