Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i came on her dog
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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