just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
