Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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