then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
