I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
