I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
