i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
