Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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