I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
