Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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