I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
