You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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