It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
