Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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