I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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