What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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