Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
PANTIES FOUND
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
