Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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