Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize