We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
