my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize