peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
