We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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