fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize