the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
