just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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