I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
